Time to recalibrate your sanity by partaking in the insanity in the 27th State. Let us once again check in on the populace in a perpetual plight of pandemonium. What better way to feel better about things than to see what it is we have to grapple with here in the heated tropics of sub-Dixie?
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While most sane people have been consumed with the vegan controversies in Texas, the hysterics involving “60 Minutes,” and the latest scandals involving Der Oysterfuhrer Graham Platner, down here in Florida, our gentry has been busy with other things. Mostly not good things, mind you, and this week we seem flush with items involving a stark lack of clothing…as per usual.
FLORIDA HANDY MAN
We always like to point out that what makes the Florida Man news items particularly unhinged are the layers of absurdity.
Case in point, in Santa Rosa County, Robert Boston was doing some work on a motion sensor floodlight. The next day, the police came by with a few questions concerning his craftsmanship.
For starters, his labor took place at 3:00 am. Secondly, he was not installing the home feature but removing it, and the task he focused on was not being done on his light, but his neighbor’s. The police worked off of security camera footage and determined that it was Mr. Boston captured on camera in flip-flops and a headlamp to perform his de-installation.
By the way, that was all he was wearing, while otherwise naked, on a ladder, taking down the faulty lighting apparatus next door.
He was able to find a headlamp at three in the morning, but not any clothes. pic.twitter.com/lk2GNbbRWt
— Brad Slager: CNN+ Lifetime Subscriber (@MartiniShark) June 4, 2026
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FLORIDA MANSCAPING
Tyrone James Causey brought more layers than a tiered sheet cake. Mr. Causey is clearly in the IDGAF stage of his golden years. Back in March, he was arrested in the Florida Keys when he was clocked doing 100 mph during a chase down A1A. Now, in Hollywood, he is on a different kind of streak.
Being something of a recidivist stripper in his neighborhood, the 79-year-old was picked up by local police for indecent exposure. Five counts of such, in fact.
Turns out T.J. has a propensity for strutting around in the altogether, with neighbors detailing he frequently would thrust his penis at Ring doorbell cameras.
When the cops came a-knockin’, Causey promptly answered his door in a G-string. When challenged on the accusations, he not only did not deny things, he rested on his legal backing to perambulate starkers. Tyrone declared he possessed “a right to walk around naked under Florida Statute 800.001″ and that it is “only illegal in parks, not in public.” This did not impress the female officer, and neither did his applying lipstick, grabbing what little of himself was covered, nor did his commanding her to “jump rope for me, baby doll!”
Appropriately, he was arrested and, hopefully, outfitted with a full-body orange jumpsuit.
79 year old Tyrone Causey in Hollywood, FL just got arrested on 5 counts of indecent exposure.
Neighbors say he kept walking the complex in a G-string thong, thrusting at doorbell cameras. Cops show up and he answers the door in the thong, puts on lipstick, and tells the female… pic.twitter.com/NogriG1ctn
— SafetySwipe (@SafetyNotorious) May 30, 2026
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FLORIDA MEXIMEAL
A 1:00 am call out to a Taco Bell location had police rolling up to find 28-year-old Brandon Irizarry skulking around near a side entrance, after employees reported his suspicious activity. The police described in their report on Irazarry as having “multiple pairs of pants.”
Small problem: He was currently not wearing any of them.
The police took him into custody, and upon searching his backpack, found a container that had a live beta fish. The police named the little guy “Baja Blast” and took it to a Humane Society, where it is reportedly doing well.
🚨 FLORIDA MAN ALLEGEDLY GOES PANTS-DOWN AT TACO BELL WITH PET FISH IN BACKPACK
Deputies responded to a Flagler County Taco Bell at 1 AM after reports of a man with his “chimichanga out” near the side door.
Brandon Irizarry (28) had multiple pants pulled down and seemed unaware… pic.twitter.com/QnqoiQXprd
— ArrestsSfl | Florida Crime Watch (@ArrestsSfl) May 31, 2026
FLORIDA MEAT
William Busi needs to learn a new method of self-defense. I would suggest, for his own safety and well-being, that in terms of moves of restraint, using one on his tongue would be a good new discipline.
Police were called out to a smoke shop in Tampa, where employees said Busi was disrupting the business and harassing workers. As police confronted Busi, he had questions about suing various local police departments. When not being supplied with what he felt was appropriate legal advice, he became belligerent with the officer and threatened him with tactics from his black belts in both karate and Judo.
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However, Busi instead resorted to a more unconventional form of attack; body cam footage shows the moment when he threw lunch meat at the officer, and then was promptly cuffed & stuffed.
FLORIDA MEDIAN
We really are not sure where Swaggy was headed, but we are interested in meeting him there! But maybe another night. Swaggy was seen in a miniature version of a Cyber Truck, but once he — and his rather placid husky sidekick — took it out on the roadway, this drew the attention of the motorcycle cops.
About eight of them, it would appear, and they seemingly closed off about three lanes of traffic to deal with this EV scofflaw. I’m sorry, but were I to have rolled up on Swaggy and the hound, I’d have been more inclined to escort them safely to their destination.
Florida Highway Patrol has officially run out of real crime to solve.
Some absolute legendary prankster decided to cruise down a busy highway in a miniature, toy Cybertruck branded “$SWAGGY” with a full-grown husky riding shotgun, and the cops treated it like he just pulled off… pic.twitter.com/5oIrQJAcbv
— Straight Florida (@StraightFlorida) May 26, 2026
FLORIDA MOCHA SWIRL
Some people are not fully aware just how immersed the state of Florida is in the hobby of boating. Even if you do not get out on the water yourself, it is just a pervasive lifestyle to the extent that it is a rare weekend that you do not see someone on the road towing a watercraft.
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As such, this might strike some as unique, but it is not a surprise to anyone ‘round these parts to see a water-bound ice cream truck, plying his trade on the low seas.
Only in Florida! A boat designed to look like an ice cream truck was spotted cruising through Sarasota Bay, much to the delight of others on the water. 🍦🤣 pic.twitter.com/SM3NqfYnvf
— New York Post (@nypost) June 1, 2026
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